302. “ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING AND ANYTHING AT ALL” (2015)
A terrible children’s song released for a terrible children’s movie (didn’t see it, didn’t need to.) Kylie has the ability to walk the tightrope between camp and cringe better than almost anybody, but she fell off the line for this one.
301. “WE ARE ONE” (2011)
Kylie Minogue featuring Verbal
It needs to be said that everyone’s hearts were in the right place with this song. Released in collaboration with Japanese rapper Verbal to raise funds for earthquake and tsunami relief, let’s just say the song just leaves a lot to be desired in terms of…listenability. And that seems like a good place to leave it.
300. “SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?” (2014)
Jools Holland featuring Kylie Minogue
This is so far down the list because of the abysmal arrangement (Jools!) Yes, Kylie slays vocally, just as she did on her Intimate & Live tour (1998) …but this, err, interpretation of the Clash classic never needed to be inflicted upon us.
299. “HEAVEN AND EARTH” (1989)
Even the artist herself has listed this late-80s ballad, and thankfully deep cut, as amongst/if not her worst. And who are we to argue with her?
298. “OFF WITH HIS SHIRT” (2016)
Kylie Minogue with the Cast of Galavant
This gets the slightest of passes because it’s supposed to be comedy. Yes, a sizeable majority of her fanbase would have no problem bumping a shirtless-man anthem of the disco variety – but it’s hard to embrace such a serious topic on such an unserious song. Besides the fact that fucking Galavant had absolutely zero business booking KYLIE MINOGUE as a guest star, they could have at least given her something funny to sing.
297. “LOW BLOW” (2018)
We love the Nashville-tinged moment she had with Golden, but not everything worked in practice. This bonus track just doesn’t tie up any musical loose ends on the project to justify letting it see the light of day.
296. “MY SECRET HEART” (1989)
Another Enjoy Yourself ballad that is borderline unlistenable. This melody haunts my dreams, personally. Anybody else?
295. “SAY THE WORD – I’LL BE THERE” (1991)
There was this insane Greatest Hits compilation released in the early-2000s of Kylie’s early work that inexplicably included this b-side and billed it as a “fan favorite.” I still think about the crickets I heard in my head reading that in the booklet. And I was a child.
294. “LAZY” (2019)
The Vaccines and Kylie Minogue
I’m grading this on a curve on account of it being made for a children’s movie in collaboration with a respectable enough band. Sigh, “Lazy” does just about sum it up, though. It’s hard for me to get over how copied and pasted in Kylie’s vocals sound.
293. “THE MAGIC ROUNDABOUT” (2005)
(By the way, I promise I don’t hate children at all!) Meant for kids or not, Kylie’s recording of the theme for the 2005 film The Magic Roundabout (Doogal for us Americans) is actually insanely cute. I file it under guilty pleasure, personally, but the reality is it’s just fluff in her catalog.
292. “COSMIC” (2007)
When Kylie released her 2007 album X, the first following her cancer diagnosis, there was this expectation of introspection. Of course, she had her mind set on getting back to her escapist pop wheelhouse (and with good reason!), save for a few select moments. When you listen to the big-ballad-closing-moment that is “Cosmic,” you have to wonder if she even had a choice but to include it. The sentiment is sincere and poignant, but the song itself is half-baked and uninspired. Those are the nicest words, too.
291. “MONKEY MAN” (2009)
The Wiggles and Kylie Minogue
This Toots & The Maytals classic is actually not specifically a children’s song, and has been done justice by the likes of the Specials and Amy Winehouse. It’s been too “Wiggled” up to give it a full pass, but this is Kylie in full Aunt-mode, so it gets some grace.
290. “CHIGGY WIGGY” (2009)
Kylie Minogue and Sonu Nigam
Ooooh “Chiggy Wiggy.” We stan Kylie having a Bollywood moment, and it was actually kind of a big deal for her to appear in the film and soundtrack for Blue. Maybe it’s just too hard to fit this A. R. Rahman-composition in alongside the rest of her catalog, but it’s definitely more of a viewing moment than a listening one.
289. “FINE WINE” (2020)
The DISCO album is a revelation, but the deluxe edition bonus tracks collectively didn’t add much to the experience. “Fine Wine,” despite loving the direction of this topic, doesn’t exactly snap into place and maybe didn’t need to make it past its demo stage.
288. “TELL TALE SIGNS” (1989)
What slightly saves “Tell Tell Signs” in comparison to its ballad-tastic album mates is this shimmer of vocal prowess they let her showcase. A rarity for this early in her career.
287. “WHERE IN THE WORLD?” (1992)
Featured as one of 3 new tracks on her successful Greatest Hits album in ’92, the Latin-tinged “Where In The World?” was very smartly left as the one not released as as single.
286. “I TALK TOO MUCH” (2007)
Just Jack featuring Kylie Minogue
Just Jack strangely tacked Kylie onto the existing “I Talk To Much” for the US version of his Overtones album. Kylie plays a significant enough role to consider it more than backing vocals, but not nearly enough to consider it worthy of a feature. To be completely honest, the song itself just was never strong enough to begin with, sorry?
285. “NO WORLD WITHOUT YOU” (1991)
This acoustic ballad doesn’t rank low because it’s particularly bad… it’s just so damn boring. Couldn’t even come up with anything to say about it.
284. “ALMOST A LOVER” (2004)
Released as a b-side on the “Red Blooded Woman” single, “Almost A Lover” lays into the sleek simplicity of the Body Language era, but almost…too much. Like in an unfinished kinda way.
283. “I AM THE ONE FOR YOU” (1990^)
Originally recorded during the sessions for her Rhythm Of Love album, this is known to be the lone unused song from Kylie’s entire tenure with PWL Records until its release on the obscure fourth installment of the Greatest Remix Hits series. The song is fine, but understandably pushed to the side compared to what ended up on the album.
^ approx. recording dates – released several years after intended project
282. “YOU MAKE ME FEEL” (2003)
Released as a bonus track to 2003’s Body Language in select markets, “You Make Me Feel” lays heavily into the project’s sultry, R&B-influenced moments. Musically it works a little bit, but Kylie’s vocals are painfully overproduced! The woman can sing, she doesn’t need all that crap!
281. “HEY LONELY” (2020)
Another bland DISCO bonus track. Inoffensive on almost an offensive level.
280. “NOTHING TO LOSE” (1989)
At least this Enjoy Yourself cut is upbeat, but it feels so empty! And oh…the chorus is quite possibly one of the most annoying things in her entire catalog. If something’s going to get stuck in your head against your will for days, it’s this – which counts as bonus points in pop music, I guess.
279. “THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL” (2008)
Kylie Minogue and Dannii Minogue
Setting the record straight: this is not commentary on the immortal classic that is “The Winner Takes It All,” nor is this about a poor performance. This is down the list because it’s just so literal, and the parts that aren’t are a little too contrived. Like we get it, the gays love sad pop melodies, club beats, and the Minogue sisters. The harmonies are a nice touch (if not slightly overdone), but at the end of the day this is just Kylie and Dannii doing an ABBA cover for funsies.
278. “MONDAY BLUES” (2020)
Have we not outlawed naming the days of the week in pop songs yet?! Write to your elected officials! The potential the bones of this song has is through the roof, but some editing was very much needed. An attempt at a hook has truly never weighed something down so much.
277. “GLAD TO BE ALIVE” (1987)
There will be no “Glad To Be Alive” slander here. Kylie’s very first b-side all the way back from 1987. Tear! It’s cute and quirky and forever will be in the hearts of longtime fans, but the reality is that it’s not a spectacular song when you strip away of all the sentimentalism.
276. “LOVE” (2018)
While there isn’t anything offensive about “Love” (what’s the point in naming a song “Love,” though?) there’s also nothing to write home about it. It comes off like an afterthought, which is a shame with 3/4th of the Golden bonus tracks exists.
275. “SPOTLIGHT” (2020)
Here we are back in DISCO Bonus Track Land… but this one is kinda cute though. Not something that exactly needed to see the light of day, but it serves its purpose, I suppose.
274. “LHUNA” (2008)
Coldplay and Kylie Minogue
Back in 2008, this could have been one of the highest profile collaborations on the planet, but the thought-provoking (being kind) “Lhuna” was not going to be that song. Released as a digital exclusive – which at the time meant sweeping it under the rug – it was luckily given a limited audience. Perhaps with a little more attention and some lyrical adjustments, this could have been something really great.
273. “FINE” (2014)
Kiss Me Once is chock full of big swings, and (maybe controversially) “Fine” is a miss. There’s a ton of potential in this being a banger of an album closer, but it feels like a series of missed opportunities. And I’m sorry, the chorus doesn’t work.
272. “SLO[W] MOTION” (2003)
There are actually a fair amount of successes about this track, but jury’s out if it all actually comes together. I wish a lot of the Body Language album saw her naturally sultry vocal ability shine like this, but it looks like a bonus track, smells like a bonus track, etc., and justifiably is one.
271. “SINCERELY YOURS” (2018)
This is a dedication to her fans, so I’ll just say: Love you, Kylie!
270. “JUST WANNA LOVE YOU” (1989)
This is one of Kylie’s b-side-iest b-sides. In several instances, it’s better than a number of songs that actually made the Enjoy Yourself album, but it’s probably better kept as cute little nugget tucked into her catalog. Big fish/small pond life.
269. “GOOD LIFE” (2000)
Released on the “Please Stay” single, the laidback acoustic-ish “Good Life” is smartly stripped of all excess. But in an era full of unapologetic camp and exuberance, the song just comes off as slightly uninspired.
268. “ROLLIN’” (2018)
There are plenty of things about “Rollin'” that are successful, some not so much. For being a bonus track/b-side, it’s “harmless.”
267. “NIGHT FEVER” (2016)
So yes, this was technically released via an international iteration of Kylie Christmas, but its function was served beyond that project. To be fair, this is an incredibly generous placement, but a testament to her ability to pull off any disco cover she’d ever attempt. The arrangement kinda slaps, too.
266. “THIS WHEEL’S ON FIRE” (2016)
It was absolutely correct that Kylie Minogue recorded the theme for the the 2016 Absolutely Fabulous movie, and she did a flawless job. This arrangement keeps almost turning into her own “2 Hearts” on an uncomfortable level, but…forgiven. In the scope of everything, this feels far less about being a facet of her catalog than an outside contribution, and underwhelms on that level.
265. “I’M SO HIGH” (2000)
If there is one thing to critique about Light Years it’s that its a dense album. Like maybe one song too many. “I’m So High” is cute…but it’s that song, girl.
264. “BURY ME DEEP IN LOVE” (2001)
Kylie Minogue and Jimmy Little
“Bury Me Deep In Love” was released as a part of the compilation succinctly titled Corroboration: A Journey Through the Musical Landscape of 21st Century Australia, with indigenous artist Jimmy Little. In actuality, it’s a really pretty song, but it could have benefited from a shorter arrangement. Unfortunately, it just doesn’t have the kind of peaks and valleys you need to make a song like this worth going back to. But no hate.
263. “WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE IT” (2002)
Released for the Scooby-Doo soundtrack (LOL!) at the peak of her fame and influence, the song is…what it is. Not horrible by any means, just hardly up to the standards of her Fever era it was inserted into. But it’s still perfectly sweet, bubbly Kylie.
262. “SOMEDAY” (2003)
I remember reading a rumor online that “Someday” was being considered for single release during the early days of the Body Language era, and wanting to die! Personal feelings aside, the song does have an effective groove that would absolutely come to life with a different melody and set of lyrics.
261. “ALL I WANNA DO IS MAKE YOU MINE” (1988)
Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan
The cosmic pop music moment that was Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan’s stunning “Especially For You” needed a b-side. And this is it! Yes, it’s saccharine on a disgusting level… but isn’t that what we want out of late-80’s bubblegum pop?
260. “I WAS GONNA CANCEL” (2014)
The otherwise incomparable Pharrell Williams will forever be on many a Lover’s shitlist for thinking that absolutely zero Kylie Minogue fans have ever listened to Beyoncé’s “Green Light.” Well guess what sir, WE NOTICED!
259. “THIS GIRL” (1995-1997^)
Recorded during the Impossible Princess sessions, “This Girl” never made it past the demo-stage, and it’s audible. Still, there’s an earnest beauty in the simplicity of hearing the song for what it is. Maybe not all the way finished, but undeniably authentic.
^ approx. recording dates – released several years after intended project
258. “GO HARD OR GO HOME” (2010)
Another generous placement because I know this is plenty of people’s guilty pleasure. Yes, it’s kind of cringe, but it is still arranged in a way that’ll get ya!
257. “LOVING DAYS” (2003)
Ballads can go either way; there’s always a risk. On one hand, the musical arrangement and verses on “Loving Days” are gorgeous! On the other, we need to (maybe privately) ask ourselves if this chorus actually works.
256. “DANCEFLOOR” (2001)
Aww poor “Dancefloor.” It just gets completely swallowed up by the absolute bangers that are its album mates. Although it’s cute and catchy, she’s just not on the same level. Even all of the b-sides from the Fever era would’ve been better choices for the album.
255. “BETTE DAVIS EYES” (2014)
It’s hard to justify putting a cover of an insanely popular ’80s song for a BBC compilation too high on this particular list, but let’s get real… this arrangement is SO GOOD!
254. “JUST IMAGINE” (2023)
Of the Tension bonus tracks, “Just Imagine” feels the most like one. It grows into something really beautiful, and highlights that twinkly quality in Kylie’s voice, but it lacks a bite.
253. “I FEEL FOR YOU” (2003)
For me personally (*disclaimer*), this has gone from a song I liked, to a song I always skipped, to a song I think is like 65% bop. That’s not an official critique, but I do think it sums up the level of confusion that is “I Feel For You”, but also the conviction that makes it maybe work? At this point, I mostly just don’t understand the 3 hours of rainstorm sound effect that bookend the track.
252. “CARRIED AWAY” (2008)
Nothing about this song seems to click until about halfway through the chorus, and even then it’s a bit of a roller coaster. But sure, it’s cute.
251. “STILL FEELS LIKE THE FIRST TIME” (2017)
Zoot Woman featuring Kylie Minogue
This obscure collaboration featured on Zoot Woman’s Absence is actually a pretty cool track in its own right. It speaks to Kylie’s appetite to try different things, even though it doesn’t resonate on the level of some of her other experiments.
HIDDEN UNDER HEADPHONES 
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